Hello. My name is Steve, and I am a recovering political optimist.

Let’s be honest: it’s so easy to complain about politics. It’s like yelling at your television or pounding your car’s dashboard while listening to AM talk radio or the news.

Whoops, I am dating myself. I meant it’s like yelling at your Wi-Fi router when Netflix buffers—you know it won’t fix anything, but it just feels right.

Everyone from your grumpy uncle to the teenager live-streaming a protest on TikTok is angry about the “state of our nation.” But here’s the rub: everyone has always been furious about the state of the nation. It’s practically a national pastime.

Seriously—scroll back through history (or for the more analog among us, pick up a dusty book): 10 years ago, people were mad. 50 years ago, angrier. 100 years ago? Pitchforks and torches. And 200 years ago? Still mad—just with worse hygiene and more powdered wigs.

This isn’t because something is radically different now. It’s because the people without power have always wanted to pry it from the cold, manicured hands of those who have it. And the people who do have power? They’re doing everything possible to make sure they keep it, preferably without getting caught in a compromising Snapchat.

So, how do we fix this? Well, spoiler alert: we won’t fix anything if we keep pretending our political system runs on “principles” or “policy” or “serving the public good.” That’s adorable. No, the actual political algorithm is embarrassingly simple. It comes down to the unholy trinity of how America really works: three variables: power, money, and sex. That’s it. That’s the whole formula. Everything else is set dressing.

• If you’ve got money, you can buy power and sex.
• If you’ve got power, you can print money and attract sex.
• And if you’ve got sex—well, depending on how you market it, you can leverage that into both money and power.

Welcome to Politics 101, also known as “America’s Other Oldest Profession.”

So yes, there’s always a low rumble in the background about a revolution, a reset, or some magical third party riding in on a unicorn named Reform. But here’s the inconvenient truth: people have been predicting “the big shake-up” for centuries. And each time, the power, money, and sex just rearrange themselves like a political Rubik’s Cube. New faces, same system. Different scandals, same variables.

The only real way to reset the system? Cut off the fuel supply. Eliminate the political corruption. And no, not with angry hashtags or moral grandstanding. I mean, actually stop incentivizing the corrupt behavior.

Because as long as our political class has easy access to the unholy trinity—money, power, and sex—they will continue to do what they’ve always done: use your outrage as a talking point and your vote as a stepping stone.

Bottom line…

So, how do we change our nation?

Well, we start by growing up. We stop pretending our political heroes are saints. We stop handing out blank checks to sociopaths in flag pins. And we stop fueling the system with blind loyalty and clickbait-driven outrage. Until then, keep your expectations low, your sarcasm sharp, and your wallet out of reach.

Worshipping politicians like saints or celebrities is peak 21st-century absurdity—because nothing screams “healthy democracy” like turning mediocre public servants into untouchable demigods. Forget policies, just slap their face on a mug, scream their name at rallies, and treat every vague tweet like a passage from a sacred text. Criticize them? You’re a heretic. Hold them accountable? You must be part of the grand conspiracy. It’s a fan club masquerading as civic engagement, where blind loyalty replaces critical thought and elected officials morph into ego-inflated influencers who think waving from a podium is equivalent to leadership. Spoiler: it’s not. But hey, who needs functioning governance when you’ve got merch?

After all, if history teaches us anything, it’s that complaining is eternal. But corruption? That’s bipartisan.

We are so screwed.

-- Steve