It's a sad tale, but oh so true...

Picture this: The stage is set. The lights are bright, assistants are buzzing around like capitalist drones, and on one side stands our communist hopeful, Komrade Kamala, a self-proclaimed revolutionary ready to dismantle capitalism, one mumbled, incoherent slogan at a time.

But wait. Kamala’s got a problem, and it’s not her questionable grasp on economics. For years, she’s been backed up—full to the brim with political bullshit. Her speeches have been as bloated as her promises, stuffed with rhetoric so nonsensical that even her comrades are left squinting, nodding along in confused solidarity.

Kamala knows she can’t face her sharp, articulate opponent like this. Her system is clogged, and her words are heavy with the weight of decades of overused talking points. "Medicare for All!" "Redistribute the wealth!" It’s all stuck, like some sort of ideological constipation.

Enter the hero of our story: political laxatives.

That’s right, folks. Kamala pops a handful of the strongest bowel-clearing tablets this side of the Berlin Wall, hoping to purge all the political crap that’s built up from years of chanting "Power to the People!" while having absolutely no idea how people actually keep the lights on. She’s about to drop the truth bombs—literally.

Fast forward to debate day. Kamala’s sweating bullets, not because of the impending intellectual showdown but because the laxatives are doing their thing. She’s got more "movement" happening than the Workers’ Revolution of 1917. Suddenly, all those tired phrases about "free everything for everyone" are preparing to evacuate faster than billionaires at a tax rally.

Her opponent kicks off with sharp, surgical arguments, dismantling communism like its IKEA furniture. Meanwhile, Kamala is gripping the podium harder than she’s ever clutched her daddy’s Marxist Economics textbook. Her knees are shaking, and her stomach is staging its own insurrection. The real revolution is happening, and it’s inside her colon.

Finally, it’s her turn to speak. She opens her mouth, but instead of her usual jumbled nonsense, all she can manage is:

“Uh, can I get a quick bathroom break?”

And just like that, folks, the most crucial debate of her political career turns into a frantic dash for the nearest exit. The great ideological cleanse has begun—both in her mind and, well, elsewhere.

Maybe next time, Komrade Kamala will consider purging the bullshit from her brain before reaching for the over-the-counter solution.

Yes, the power of political laxatives...

And thus, we arrive at the undeniable truth: Political laxatives may just be the next big thing in public service. Imagine a world where politicians take a hearty dose before every debate—out go the vague, empty promises, and in comes a refreshing honesty, void of all the bloat and filler. With each dose, the political system becomes… well, less full of it. Gone would be the days of endless rambling speeches, replacing them with clear, concise ideas that don't leave the public straining to understand what’s actually being said.

Bottom line...

Many a truth is said in jest. We are so screwed.

In all seriousness, I do not want to go forward into a communist hell-hole with Kamala Harris and Tim Walz--I want to go back to the prosperous future with Donald Trump.

- Steve