All around me, the people are chattering about the 96th Academy Awards, otherwise known as the “OSCARS” or, as I see it, the Overblown Showcase of Celebrities’ Arrogant Recognition Speeches.

Jimmy Kimmel, former comedian and now progressive political commentator, will host the show, which will be executive produced by his wife, Molly McNearney, the producer of Kimmel’s Jimmy Kimmel Live! Hollywood-style nepotism at its finest. And they are supported by a cadre of at least 30 progressive comedy writers.

So, how hard would it be to write the beginning of a kitschy opening monologue for the political Oscars?   

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, and those of you just here for the free booze and a chance to mingle with lobbyists and big donors – welcome to the political Oscars!

The one night a year when Washington gathers to pat itself on the back so vigorously, we might need to call in a chiropractor to prescribe those wonderful drugs we all secretly love. Where the only thing more inflated than our economy is our egos.

Tonight, we gather to celebrate the art of progressive politics, where impossible scenarios never come to life and bad behavior is always projected onto the opposition.

But let's be real. We all know that behind every politician is a team of handlers trying to squeeze every last dime out of donors. Or, in the case of President Biden, keep him conscious long enough to read the teleprompter.

Yes, it's that magical time when we celebrate the best of the best in politics, or as some might say, the most proficient in lying to the American people for a living. But hey, who doesn't love a good performance, right?

And let's not forget our esteemed nominees, who've spent countless hours perfecting their craft, all in the hopes of taking home millions of dollars selling their influence to the special interests.

Pro tip! Don't forget to wear your flair because nothing says "we are solving the world's problems," like accessorizing our expensive and exclusive fashions with colored ribbons.

So, to all the politicians out there, remember: if you don't win recognition tonight, just smile, clap politely, and, like Hillary Clinton, silently plot your revenge like the true professionals you pretend to be.

But enough about the nominees, let's talk about the real stars of the show – the audience!

Yes, you, the folks at home in your sweatpants, judging everyone's policy choices from the comfort of your living room. Don't worry, we won't judge you for that second bowl of popcorn – after all, tonight is all about self-indulgence.

In Washington, we're often accused of living in a bubble, of being disconnected from the harsh realities faced by everyday people. But I challenge that notion. So sit back, relax, and take a brief hiatus from the chaos of the real world—you know, the one outside your gated mansion and the protection of your personal bodyguards.

Remember, we are just like Hollywood's fictional fantasy creators; our narratives have the power to inspire change, spark conversations, challenge the status quo, and start wars in foreign lands.

Enjoy the show, because whether you're here for the faux awards, the demented speeches, or just to see if Joe Biden trips on his way up the stairs, we promise you one thing: tonight will be more entertaining than watching Biden trying to find his way off stage. And that's saying something Jack.

Bottom line…

Rather than honoring celebrities’, I suggest we take some time to examine some of the vicious, poisonous ideas that some celebrities have injected into our culture.

Most concerning are the celebrities who use their influence to sow division and hatred. From spreading un-American rhetoric to endorsing murderous terrorists, these toxic ideas poison our collective consciousness and culture as they undermine the progress we’ve fought so hard to achieve.

Celebrity is a world of make-believe where only “We the People” are deceived.

It should be noted that the Oscars were delayed by useful pro-terrorist idiots calling for a ceasefire to Israel’s war in Gaza, and some winners used their pro-Palestiniam speeches to decry the humanitarian crisis caused solely by Israel, not the terrorists in the region. Funny, nobody called for Hamas to surrender. 

We are so screwed.

-- Steve