TOM CRUISE'S TOP GUN CHARACTER (?) TO BE RELEASED TO A HALF-WAY HOUSE
ENOUGH! NO MORE ALLOWING POLITICIANS TO AMEND OFFICIAL REPORTS RETROACTIVELY TO ESCAPE CRIMINAL LIABILITY!

OBAMA IMPLEMENTS NEW FEDERAL GOLF RULES VIA EXECUTIVE ORDER – BYPASSES CONGRESS!

This was circulating in e-mail and is too funny not to pass along …

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that many a truth is spoken in jest. Thanks to the anonymous author for today’s smile.

New Federal Golf Rules 

golf-obama

President B.H.O. Has recently appointed a Golf Czar.

Major rule changes in the game of golf became effective January 1, 2013. The rules are implemented by executive order as Congress is deadlocked on passing the legislation. It appears that Nancy Pelosi is demanding fairness and complaining that golfer John Boehner is trying to preserve his handicap by denying fairness to minorities, women and the poor. Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader, said that he will not introduce the Republican golf bill in the Senate because it was not submitted in good faith. Paul Ryan provided a financial impact analysis which was roundly rejected by everyone.

This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2716 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.
Here are a few of the changes:

Golfers with handicaps:

- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.

The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:

- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.

Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.

Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score.”

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.

Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.

This is the "Right thing to do."

So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn't shoot it yourself.

Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it.

Someone else built the clubs and the cart.

It is anticipated that the Affordable Health Care Plan (AKA Obamacare) will be modified. A non-elected panel will be appointed to set community standards regarding Medicare and Insurance reimbursement for injuries sustained while playing golf. It is anticipated that significant costs savings can be achieved by restricting reimbursements for major costs involving knee, arm and back injuries.

Pending is the golf cart surcharge of $35/day. The charge will be waived for the poor, minorities and women. Golf cart manufacturers will be required to pay an additional 1% surcharge to cover the physically handicapped such as paraplegics and quadriplegics who require video golf simulators due to their injuries.

Golf courses will now be regulated under the Environmental Protection Act, so smoking and excessive methane-producing flatulence will require additional carbon-offset credits in order to prevent global warming and preserve our golfing heritage for succeeding generations.

Golf courses located on Indian Lands will be exempt from all Administrative orders and rules in accordance with the Federal Indian Gaming Compact.

Consistent with the principles of the game of golf, including individual and family empowerment, leadership and local primacy, partnership and inclusiveness, public information, unity of effort, timeliness and flexibility, resilience and sustainability, and psychological and emotional recovery, the Task Force shall insure equality of outcomes for all golfers, except those in the 1% who are capable of exerting a little more effort and paying their fair share. Further Golf rules and regulations shall be reviewed and revised by the Golf Task Force, to be chaired by the Secretary of Health and Human Services (Chair).

(a) In addition to the Chair, the Task Force shall consist of the head of each of the following executive departments, agencies, and offices, or their designated representatives

(i) the Department of the Treasury;

(ii) the Department of the Interior;

(iii) the Department of Agriculture;

(iv) the Department of Commerce;

(v) the Department of Labor;

(vi) the Department of Health and Human Services;

(vii) the Department of Transportation;

(viii) the Department of Energy;

(ix) the Department of Education;

(x) the Department of Veterans Affairs;

(xi) the Department of Homeland Security;

(xii) the Environmental Protection Agency;

(xiii) the Small Business Administration;

(xiv) the Army Corps of Engineers;

(xv) the Office of Management and Budget;

(xvi) the National Security Staff;

(xvii) the Domestic Policy Council;

(xviii) the National Economic Council;

(xix) the Council on Environmental Quality;

(xx) the Office of Science and Technology Policy;

(xxi) the Council of Economic Advisers;

(xxii) the White House Office of Public Engagement and Intergovernmental Affairs;

(xxiii) the White House Office of Cabinet Affairs; and

(xxiv) such other agencies and offices as the President may designate.

 

A COMMENTER, TED D. SPEAR, WANTS ME TO TELL YOU THAT THIS IS SATIRE AND THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES -- A GOLFER HIMSELF -- CANNOT CHANGE THE RULES OF GOLF BY EXECUTIVE ORDER. IF OBAMA ATTEMPTED TO CHANGE THE RULES, THERE WOULD BE ANOTHER REVOLUTION SURPASSING EVEN THE EXPECTATIONS OF GUN OWNERS. The sport is governed by the USGA (United States Golf Association) which sanctions golf courses, events, players, equipment and publishes the official rules. The can be found at www.usga.org.


“Nullius in verba.”-- take nobody's word for it!

“Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.”-- George Bernard Shaw

“Progressive, liberal, Socialist, Marxist, Democratic Socialist -- they are all COMMUNISTS.”

“The key to fighting the craziness of the progressives is to hold them responsible for their actions, not their intentions.” – OCS

"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." -- Marcus Aurelius

“A people that elect corrupt politicians, imposters, thieves, and traitors are not victims... but accomplices” -- George Orwell

“Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt." (The people gladly believe what they wish to.) ~Julius Caesar

“Describing the problem is quite different from knowing the solution. Except in politics." ~ OCS

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