A friend of mine who is less than enthusiastic about the Golden Globes and the Oscars asked me to name the worst movie of the year; constrained, of course, by those I have actually seen.

Without a moment’s hesitation I named David Zucker’s “An American Carol” as the worst piece of crap that I had experienced in 2008 – and possibly of all time.

Not only was the script garbage, but the acting was wooden and as lethargic as Michael Malone, the Kevin Farley portrayal of “documentary” filmmaker Michael Moore.

This is the type of film that is conceived by over-tired slap-happy amateurs working at three o’clock in the morning. (My friend Pat might be the only one to really appreciate this part of the review.) Nothing is funny. Nothing works. And even the production values leave much to be desired. And yet, the filmmakers continue to forge their way through the production.

How talented individuals, with the exception of Paris Hilton who plays herself, could sign-on to such a project is beyond me. I wonder what they thought when they saw the picture on the big screen? The best performance was by Robert Davi who portrayed a serious radical jihadist with some semblance of reality and great comedic timing.  Unfortunately, against his portrayal, the others looked like faded tintype pictures held up against a Kodak moment.

Following the money …

According to boxofficemojo.com, the project (I hesitate to use the word film, movie or motion picture) has a reported budget of $20 million and a lifetime box office gross of $7,013,191. Even the magic of Hollywood accounting couldn’t make this a breakeven winner – unless, using the magic of syndication, everyone got paid upfront.

The cover blurb claims: “It’s radical … It’s Brave… And it’s funny.

The premise of jihadists trying to blow up a Madison Square Gardens country music concert for the troops  -- and being saved by Michael Malone is beyond the pale. Even with the framing of Dickens’ like Christmas Carol characters, it misses the mark by a continent. Perhaps it might be funny in Afghanistan, but maybe not.

Believe me, there is nothing radical, brave or funny contained in this movie. Even the security device glued into the DVD's packaging is more interesting than watching this painful example of 1980’s style filmmaking. Possibly director David Zucker’s attempt to recreate Airplane using a string of lame jokes told in a desiccated manner. I tried to find another word to describe the film, but desiccated is the best description.   Definition: Desiccate -- to make dry, dull, or lifeless. See, a perfect description!

Warning … 

The only reason I am posting this entry is to warn my fellow Americans; be they conservative, liberal or simply apathetic, that this movie is a total waste of time, effort and money. This is the type of movie that could convince copyright pirates to give up counterfeiting DVDs.

-- steve